The Opposite of Love Is Guilt: How to Own Your Lovability

Quick answer: Most people name hate as the opposite of love. Mira Kelley sees guilt as the true opposite, because guilt says you aren’t worthy of what is already your essence. Hate still reaches for connection. Guilt pushes love away. Releasing guilt lets you return to the openness of a small child and simply own your lovability.

Ask a room full of people for the opposite of love and nearly everyone answers “hate.” When Johanna Carroll asked me about this on Dialogue with Divinity, I offered a different answer. You can hear the whole conversation in my interview with Johanna Carroll.

What does hate really say about love?

Think about what hate actually says. As I explained, “in hate what you’re saying is: you should be loving me.”

Hate is full of longing. It’s the pain of feeling disconnected from someone and wanting their love. I gave the example of a teenager shouting at a parent that they hate them. Underneath those words is a deep wish to be seen and loved.

So hate still faces toward love. It’s love in pain.

Why is guilt the true opposite of love?

In my words, “the true opposite of love is actually guilt”. Guilt turns away from love entirely. It says, “I’m not worthy of that which is already my essence.”

Love is what you’re made of. Guilt tells you that you don’t deserve your own nature. That’s why it’s so effective at blocking love: it convinces you to refuse what’s already yours.

Guilt can look like:

• Apologizing for taking up space or time.
• Feeling uneasy when someone is kind to you.
• Believing you have to make up for past mistakes before you can be happy.
• Pushing away compliments, gifts or help.
• Staying in situations that hurt you because you feel you deserve it.

Where does guilt come from?

Some guilt comes from this life: a childhood where love felt conditional, a mistake you never forgave yourself for, beliefs absorbed from family or culture. Johanna asked whether past life regression helps people find where guilt began in other lifetimes. My answer was “Very much so, definitely.”

When you see the origin of a pattern, it loses much of its grip. My guide to repeating emotional relationship patterns explores how these patterns travel across lives.

Why do people feel they lack love?

Johanna asked why so many people feel they don’t have the love and support they need. My answer was simple: “Because they need to open up to their own worthiness.”

Your worth was settled before you did anything at all. As I said in the interview, “So your value and your worth are already given. The proof of it is in the very fact that you exist.”

How do you let go of guilt?

I told Johanna that guilt “is something we can so easily remove and let go of”. Here are some ways to begin:

1. Notice it. When you feel uncomfortable receiving, ask, “Is this guilt?”
2. Name the belief. Finish the sentence: “I don’t deserve love because…” Write whatever comes.
3. Question it. Would you say this about a friend? About a child?
4. Forgive yourself. Whatever happened, you did what you could with what you knew.
5. Practice receiving. Say thank you and let the kindness land.
6. Return to your essence. Remind yourself daily that love is what you are.

If you tend to give and give to make up for feeling unworthy, read Over-Giving in Relationships. If fear rises as you open up, Fear Is a Messenger can help.

What does owning your lovability feel like?

I love the image of a baby, open and ready to be loved, with no question about deserving it. We can return to that. In my words, “we can return ourselves to that state of just owning our lovability, which ultimately is not very hard.”

It feels like ease. You stop bracing. You let people in. And the love that was always available finally has somewhere to land. For more on welcoming love, see Let Your Love Flow, and explore the soul’s longer story on my past lives page.

Try this today

Tonight, write down three moments from the past week when you pushed away kindness, help or affection. Next to each, write: “I am worthy of this. Love is my essence.” Then choose one person to say a full, simple “thank you” to tomorrow, without explaining or apologizing.

Frequently asked questions

What is the opposite of love?

Mira Kelley teaches that the true opposite of love is guilt, because guilt says you’re unworthy of what you already are.

What does hate really say about love?

Hate still longs for connection. It’s the pain of wanting someone’s love and not feeling it.

How does guilt block love?

It convinces you to refuse kindness, help and affection, so love has nowhere to land.

How can I stop feeling unworthy of love?

Notice the guilt, name the belief behind it, forgive yourself and practice receiving.

Can past life regression help with guilt?

Many people find that seeing where a pattern began helps them let it go.

Expand your ability to receive love by knowing your worth. Start the Worthy of Love 21 Day Challenge today